The creation of a meal ...

Christmas dinners past and present - are usually the same.  A turkey with stuffing, potatoes and gravy, and cranberry sauce, and, for the rest, the family who is coming over brings the salads, other vegetable dishes, and dessert. Dessert is usually cookies: molasses, sugar, cream, jam-jams - to name the most popular.  I imagine making everyone wait for the feast, while all the food is arranged in a setting similar to the one above. 
Or perhaps, like this picture, a pose before anything is prepared,only all the ingredients selected, all food placed so as to be in the natural sunlight, focusing the viewer's thoughts on the  moments before the feast begins to be prepared.  A still-life portrait of all Christmas dinners to come, as well as the one to be prepared in the almost-present.  With our patriarch (for he is the one who currently prepares the main dinner now)  sitting in his chair, beside the carefully arranged food.
The light in this picture,  like that of  a Vermeer painting, illuminates the still-quiet scene, capturing the moment before action takes place. It reveals to us that this  moment in time, just now stopped for us to consider, is however, bound to be repeated,over and over, with variations. The creator is ready to begin.

My Lips Are Shy

That title actually sounds like it should be part of a poem, doesn't it?  Actually, "shy" here is the name of a shade of lipstick I own. It's not a nude shade, although it is a colour that enhances the natural shade of my lips.  Many people who know me would not call me shy, but I am introverted and reserved, and yes, I am often shy, although I have tricks to not let it show so very  much.

 (Not quite a wallflower, though!)


I have had a busy week, what with working two days (with a Christmas Carnival and concert), a quick trip out to Grande Prairie for some shopping and a late movie, and now, a day spent wrapping presents and tidying the house.  Tomorrow will go by quickly, I'm sure, as will the day after.  Then, perhaps, some slow time, for reflecting and writing.

These katie smail illustations are so very whimsical and perfectly match my mood today.

Merry Christmas to all!

Never regret anything...

Now, what do I want?  To want something so much, but what if it passes?  I am surprised at many of the choices I have made in my life, but I do know that I made them because they were what I wanted at the time.  So maybe it is pointless to regret any of those choices.
I guess the only thing is that when you are part of a family unit, you also have to consider the wants of all. I know I regret, in retrospect those things that may have had a negative impact on my family.  To my credit, I do think that I have chosen with consideration for others.  We simply cannot predict any negative results, especially when choosing with the best of intentions. And certainly we forgive others in our lives if they make choices that do hurt us.
I guess a person can remain frozen with indecision, stuck in place, because the alternatives seem so hard to visualize.  Or you are waiting, waiting, waiting  ... for?

 

How often have I been across this bridge?  A few times as an adolescent, shopping trips as a young mother, as a mature student attending college and actually living on the other side, visiting sister and family later on, a nerve-wracking trip when spouse was in the hospital, visiting daughter when she was at college, more shopping and visiting trips with stops at the gardens down by the river.  

Perhaps it's that feeling of time finally beginning to flow by faster.  I thought it might be possible to choose a home, with a garden and settle there for good.  But now I'm not so sure of that anymore. However, it also doesn't feel like there are so many options out there as there were before, it's not possible for me to imagine just growing old in one place anymore. 

Are regrets really beginning to take the place of dreams, as someone has said?  

 

"Regrets"

I think we like to think that life can be safe, secure, and serene.  But life also encompasses dark times, uncertain times, sometimes despairing times.  What one needs to know is that the pendulum swings both ways, and to accept that. 

Much of what I most enjoy reading is the writing that delves into those darker feelings, that illuminates the courage that many of us must find to move forward back into the light. 

'What the Living Do" ...

                    

What the Living Do

Johnny, the kitchen sink has been plugged for days, some

    utensil probably fell down there.

And the Drano won’t work but smells dangerous, and the

    crusty dishes have piled up

waiting for the plumber I still haven’t called. This is the

     everyday we spoke of.

 It’s winter again: the sky’s a deep headstrong blue, and the

      sunlight pours through

the open living room windows because the heat’s on too high

     in here, and I can’t turn it off.

For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the

     street, the bag breaking,

I’ve been thinking: This is what the living do.  And yesterday,

     hurrying along those

wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee

     down my wrist and sleeve,

I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush:

     This is it.

Parking.  Slamming the door shut in the cold.  What you

     called that yearning.

What you finally gave up.  We want the spring to come and

     winter to pass.   We want

someone to call or not call, a letter, a kiss -  we want more and

     more and then more of it.

But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of

     myself in the window glass,

say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by

       a cherishing so deep

for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat

     that I am speechless:

I am living.  I remember you.

Poem By Marie Howe

By Tom Keough

Silver bells....

These would be the two best words to describe the spirit meant to represent the Christmas season. Silver for tinsel, bells for music.  Silvery sounding chimes, bells ringing out.  But who hears bells anymore though? Do churches even have bells in their steeples anymore?  There are still Christmas carollers, and there are jingle bells, but what about the wonderful sound of the larger bells?

 Probably most of us sang this song at a Christmas concert during our school years.  Maybe you even got a little set of bells to jingle.
This year I am not going shopping in the city, so no crazy crowded malls for me.  Some of my shopping is happening online, and some at local stores.  I don't mind, as I have gotten tired of the crowds, and the impulse shopping. I dislike Boxing Day too.
So I guess it comes back to really beginning to think about what does make the holidays special. I am looking for simpler rituals.  There is too much hype leading up to the big day, and then it seems like such a letdown afterward.  It's time to focus on more meaningful experiences - not  office parties, overly expensive presents, and too much rich food.  So what can replace this?

 

Perhaps a quiet morning spent writing, a carefully prepared healthier meal without excess, and some other quiet activities, including a good movie?  Or save the movie for a late night event, and have a family game after supper.  Christmas should be a time of serenity.  Now if I could find a way to have silver bells ringing outside!

Christmas Fancies by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

When Christmas bells are swinging above the fields of snow,
We hear sweet voices ringing from lands of long ago.
And etched on vacant places,
Are half forgotten faces
Of friends we used to cherish, and loves we used to know –
When Christmas bells are swinging above the fields of snow.

 The magic of Christmas is what I think I am not able to find much anymore.  As a child it was so easy to enter into the wonder of the holiday season, but now that I'm older, it's much more difficult.  Sometimes you might think it not worth the effort to seek it out, but fortunately, that magic still does manage to sparkle, even if it's just for a few moments here and there.